Life is short – don’t be a wallflower – In a Vase on Monday 28 Jan 2019

Today would have been my wonderful brother’s birthday – he died suddenly two years ago in March 2017 when he was only 49.   He is missed every day, all around the world, people tell stories and share memories. Matt was a funny, kind, hardworking man.  He was a loving husband, Dad, brother, friend and colleague to so many. Matt adored my awesome sister in law and his girls (my wonderful nieces); he loved his life in Australia, he’d been there since 1990.  He touched so many lives in such a positive way; no one who met him would ever forget him.

I can’t express, even now, how devastated I am about his death; his future taken so suddenly.  I was very unwell when he died; my arthritis pain went into melt down, chronic fatigue and a myriad of other impacts.

Grief changes you

I’m much better than I was a year ago, and exponentially better than I was two years ago.  I’ve learnt many things about myself and life during these last two years.  I DO KNOW THAT YOUR LIFE JUST GROWS AROUND GRIEF LIKE THIS… you don’t ‘get over it’, you’re different afterwards and your perspective on what matters changes – for me it is all about health and happiness – and yes’ be whoever you want to be’.  I’ll write more about this another time, as today I want to remember all the fun and adventures we had over the years.  I had THE BEST BROTHER in the world.  I know Matt’s still with me though, all the happy memories and stories, I often think ‘what would Matt do?’, ‘What would Matt say?’ and we talk about him very often.

This illustration from Veronica Dearly resonated with me… I hope it does with you too.

We are celebrating his life tonight with a very nice red – I love and miss you every day Matt xx

‘Life is short,

be ridiculous,

be magical,

be vibrant,

be kind,

be whatever you bloody well want.’

Veronica Dearly illustrator www.veronicadearly.com

*****

Oh and the connection with the flowers – it’s a wallflower – My wonderful brother was definitely not a wallflower… he was a friendly, approachable, kind and helpful. He lit up the room where ever he was –
He always talked to everyone at a party, was great at including people, chatting to shy and reserved people drawing them into conversations…he was a great listener too. We are similar in that we both think people are interesting…

He loved dressing up too 🙂 and a decent glass of red.

Remembering Jay, our Dad

Tomorrow it will be 19 years since our awesome Dad died from lung cancer aged only 70. I was a Daddies girl; it was the best.  I’ll write more about what an awesome person my Dad was later in the week. I think about Matt, my Dad and Steve (the Salford Lad) every day.  I’ve written about them all often, especially their love of cooking:

• In a Vase on Monday – love, kindness and cooking – 12 February 2018
• In a Vase on Monday – love and rosemary for remembrance/ – 30 December 2015

January is a tough month for me but I have many coping strategies including yoga, crafting, being outside for an hour, being in the moment, mindfulness and laughter… and looking forwards not backwards.

In A Vase on Monday

This week, I looked around the garden, the only plants flowering at the moment are the hellebores and at the bottom of the garden my perennial purple wallflower was still flowering – it’s flowered for most of 2018.  So here they are in a Vase  from the same LSA Chimney set, that’s appeared a couple of times this month – I was talking about goal setting too, so do have a look.

• 3 goals in 2019 using YearCompass in 2019  14 January 2019
• Happy Hellebores  21 January 2019

My perennial wallflower is huge – and has appeared in vases many times #wallflower/  I’ve got more of the conventional yellow/orange wallflowers coming through this year.

As usual, I am joining in with Cathy from Rambling in the Garden, who has a rather Japanese vase with a gorgeous white hyacinth.  (www.ramblinginthegarden.wordpress.com). Do have a look around the links on her blog – people join in from all around the world. You don’t need to be an expert gardener or a flower arranger to join in – just pick something from around your garden or locality and put in a ‘vase’, photograph and write about it.

Purple perennial wallflower

I took this photo with my Lensbaby Trio 28 – sweet setting.  It is a  dark and gloomy day but I’m not letting it dip my mood.  I went out to a trivia quiz at Women’s Institute – we were mid-table obscurity – This reminded me of fun times playing trivial pursuit with my family.

*****

‘know for certain that we never lose the people we love, even to death.They continue to participate in every act, thought and decision we make.Their love leaves an indelible imprint in our memories. We find comfort in knowing that our lives have been enriched by having shared their love’. Leo Buscaglia (1924-1998) Professor University of Southern California and motivational speaker

I’m reminded that life isn’t a dress rehearsal – wear the shoes, go on an adventure with those you love (it can be a mini-adventure 😉 )
Have some fun, be in the moment…

seize the day (Carpe Diem)

oh and always #bekind…

What are your thoughts? do you have an adventure planned? have you got thoughts on grief and loss? 

Carpe Diem and a big hug for those missing people they love xx

Love Bec xx

*I got the print in Veronica Dearly’s monthly subscription box – I paid full price.